AW, thank you for saying that, Marissa! I agree, the focus should be on showing through behavior. I think another thing for writers to keep in mind that where we want characters to get is to replace the self-view of “victim” with “survivor.” We’ve consulted more than a few psychologists over the years and they have reiterated what you’ve said here – people who have been through trauma don’t want to think of themselves as victims and seeing that term can be triggering. As readers may have trauma in common with our characters, we want to remember that.

Thinking in terms of surviving is empowering and can lead a person to more growth and change, and that’s what we want in character arc (and in life!).

Self-awareness is so often the thing that rubs readers the wrong way. This can be tricky because we want a character to be aware of how their own actions are negatively impacting them. But if the self-awareness veers into the place where the character views themselves as a victim of circumstances, the immediate reaction of a reader is to distance themselves from the character. Readers don’t want to perceive *themselves* as a victim and so they choose to not identify with the character. If I haven’t shouted its praises enough, I think this is where using THE EMOTIONAL WOUND THESAURUS is so helpful. We can build in symptoms of the character’s circumstances impacting them negatively without being heavy-handed. And in focusing on behaviors, we reduce that urge to rely on narrative telling that often leads to the pity-party. Sincere gratitude for asking me to share with your readers!

Becca, that is SUCH a good point! We’re usually so close to our characters and so protective of them that we can’t always tell objectively when we’re moving into the pity-party mode. Having outside eyes is a fantastic way to avoid it. Add that to the list of strategies 🙂 Thank you for allowing me to support writers today!

Hi, Mindy! Oh boy, have I been there myself in my own writing. For me, it always comes back to not trusting myself to have shown what I need the reader to notice. When I revise, I find that if I question a line in terms of being overly pitiful, I don’t hesitate. I cut it. If I even *think* it’s possibly signaling self-pity, then it goes. Far easier to go back and add things in if a beta reader isn’t feeling empathy than to get a second chance once we’ve turned a reader off. Thank you sincerely for having me today!