Writers hear it all the time: Show, don’t tell. This advice is so iconic that I wouldn’t be surprised if a few tattoos are kicking around the community. After all, our job as writers isn’t to explain what’s happening to readers, it’s to help them experience the story themselves. And show, don’t tell is how we do it!

Showing Creates an Experience.
Telling Hands Out Information.

Imagine your story as a culinary masterpiece and your reader a dinner guest. Sure, you could slap a plate down and say, “It’s lasagna, enjoy,” or you could slide the steaming dish in front of them and let those saucy layers, bubbling cheese, and heavenly aroma rev them up for the first bite.

Telling has its place -and for more on that, zip over here- but showing engages readers. It will bring them in close, make them feel involved, and awaken their emotions and memories.

One problem with show, don’t tell?

Somewhere along the way, it became so integrated with character emotion that writers didn’t necessarily think to use it for other things.

To be clear, showing emotion is great advice! I’m sure you’ve attended workshops and been told not to say your character is sad—instead, describe them standing at their school locker, clutching a break-up note, blinking fast and swallowing hard. If you’ve read The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression, you know Becca and I preach loud and proud about showing emotion. But it has so many other applications, so let’s recap a few.

Showing Can Anchor Readers in the Setting

When it comes to worldbuilding, readers should be able to imagine the character’s world and feel part of each scene.

Telling: The castle was massive, with stone walls and high towers.

Showing: The castle loomed over the village, its stone walls etched with centuries of wind and war. Torchlight flickered along the high towers, where banners snapped against the night sky.

Telling works for delivering details that aren’t important, but showing can draw a reader in, help them imagine what they reader, convey the history or importance of a location, and more.

Showing Can Set the Mood

Part of creating an experience is steering how readers should feel. The details we share, especially sensory description, can nudge them to view a setting a certain way—safe, dangerous, calming, worrying. It’s up to us.  

Telling: The alley was dark and scary.

Showing: The alley narrowed, its brick walls leaning inward, swallowing the last flickers of streetlight. Garbage bags sagged against dented cans, the air thick with something damp and rotting.

Here, telling is factual, but showing creates foreboding. Only one will push readers to eagerly read on to see what sort of bad thing is waiting in the dark.

Showing Can Define a Relationship Without Labels

Characters shouldn’t have to say they’re best friends, mortal enemies, or hopelessly in love. Their actions should make that obvious.

Telling: Jake and Connor had been best friends for years.

Showing: Jake barely knocked before pushing open Connor’s door. “Bro, I got a problem with someone and need backup.”
Connor shut his textbook. “Let’s go. I’m driving.”

Best friends? Yup! Telling would work if this friendship wasn’t relevant, but if it is, we need to see that closeness in action. Showing does that, pulling the reader along for the ride.

Showing Can Reveal Character Motivation

Characters need to have agency, doing and saying things for a reason. But if we just tell readers what’s driving them, it falls flat.

Telling: Olivia wanted to prove she was just as capable as her older brother.

Showing: Olivia tightened the laces on her running shoes. She could still hear her brother’s voice from last night: “You won’t last a mile.” Gritting her teeth, she stepped onto the track. She’d make it ten.

A character’s motivation is more likely to land with readers if they empathize with their reasons. Showing here utilizes a common human experience—a lack of support and voiced doubt—and places readers in Olivia’s corner. They want her to succeed.

Showing Helps Deepen Conflict and Stakes

If the stakes matter, readers should feel it.

Telling: If Sam lost, he’d have to leave town for good.

Showing: Sam rolled his poker chip across the felt. One hand. One chance.

Across the table, Mason smirked. “Don’t worry, I’ll pass on your goodbyes to everyone at the wedding tomorrow.”

Here, telling readers what’s at stake is equivalent to a sad trombone (womp-womp). Showing makes readers care about Sam and invest in what happens next.

Showing Can Showcase Characterization

Each character will have their own personality, talents, beliefs, tendencies, quirks, etc. How you convey who they are can mean the difference between a cardboard character and someone so authentic it feels like they stepped out of the real world.

Telling: Jonas was a germaphobe.

Showing: Jonas pinched the edge of his plate, avoiding contact. Across the table, a man sneezed into his palm, then grabbed the breadbasket. Jonas stiffened. Bacteria—everywhere. He chewed fast, breathed shallowly. The sooner he finished, the sooner he could scrub this place off his skin.

When we show it, Jonas’ fear feels authentic. Readers can surmise how this phobia will shape his life in the story.

Look for Opportunities to Make Your Story Immersive!

Showing can vastly improve a story, but crafting the right descriptions is not easy. This is why it can be so tempting to slip into telling. It’s worth the worth, though, when the situation in the story warrants showing.

It comes down to knowing what to show, and what to tell. Readers never need to know every little thing about the story and your characters, but they know the important stuff that helps them follow the story, care about the characters, and feel invested in the outcome.

Focus on what’s important, what readers need to know, and what makes them care the most. If you need help finding telling that you suspect needs to be converted to showing, try 7 Ways to Find Telling in Your Writing.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post How to Use Show, Don’t Tell to Strengthen Your Story appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

Writing intense scenes can be one of the most exciting parts of storytelling. Whether it’s a gripping fight, a romantic encounter that leaves hearts racing, or an emotional moment that hits readers hard, these scenes pull readers in and keep them hooked. But creating truly intense moments takes more than just throwing in action or dramatic emotions. It’s about pacing, sensory details, and staying true to your character.

Fight Scenes: Keep It Clear and High-Stakes

Fight scenes grab attention because they often mean danger or life-and-death moments. But too much focus on body movements or external conflict can make things feel off. To keep things gripping, focus on what’s at stake and how the characters internally react to the fight. Don’t overcomplicate things with unnecessary details—keep the action clear and immediate.

For example, instead of writing: John lunged forward with a feral scream, his fist flying crashing against Mark’s jaw with the force of a freight train. Blood sprayed like a crimson fountain, painting the air in a ghastly tableau.

Try: John lunged forward, his fist connecting with Mark’s jaw. Mark staggered back, tasting blood. He couldn’t afford to go down—not now.

The second version cuts the fluff and keeps readers focused on the action and its impact. By keeping the description tight and concentrating on the immediate stakes, you can make readers feel every hit and every moment of tension.

Romantic Scenes: Go for Subtlety and Sensory Details

When writing passionate scenes, it’s easy to slip into over-the-top territory. Instead, focus on the connection between characters and use sensory details to make it feel real. A well-written romantic scene doesn’t need to scream its intensity—it should evoke the tension and vulnerability in the moment.

You can show the tension and vulnerability through small gestures and understated emotions.

For example, instead of writing: Their lips met in a fiery explosion of desire, their hearts beating as one in the eternal dance of passion.

Try: She hesitated for a moment, her breath catching as his hand brushed her cheek. When their lips finally met, it was slow, tentative—as if neither was sure whether they were ready for the storm they were about to unleash.

This second version feels more genuine because it builds on the characters’ hesitation and the sensory experience. Readers don’t need grand declarations of passion—they need to feel the connection through small, meaningful details.

Emotional Scenes: Let Tension Build

Emotional moments work best when they’re given time to grow. Jumping straight into high emotions can feel jarring, so it’s important to let the tension simmer. Build up to those big emotional beats by showing small actions, bits of dialogue, and even silences.

For example, instead of writing: “You never loved me!” Sarah screamed, tears streaming down her face like rivers. “I gave you everything, and you threw it all away!”

Try: Sarah stood in the doorway, her hands trembling. “I don’t understand,” she said quietly. “I gave you everything. Was it not enough?”

By letting Sarah’s pain emerge gradually through her quiet words and trembling hands, the scene feels more authentic. Readers can sense the buildup of emotions without being hit over the head with melodrama.

Decision Scenes: Show the Inner Conflict

When characters have to make a tough call, the intensity comes from their internal struggle and the pressure of the situation. To capture this well, use short, sharp sentences and show the character’s thought process without over-explaining their feelings.

For example, instead of writing: David clutched his head, torn between two impossible choices. His mind screamed at him to act, but his heart was frozen in fear. “What do I do? What do I do?” he muttered, over and over.

Try: David stared at the two paths ahead. One meant safety. The other, everything he cared about. His hands clenched into fists. He didn’t have time to think—only to choose.

This version creates tension by focusing on David’s immediate dilemma and keeping the language direct. Readers can feel his urgency without being bogged down by too much internal monologue.

General Strategies for Writing Intense Scenes

Trust your readers to understand the emotions without spelling everything out. Instead of telling them how a character feels, show it through actions, dialogue, and reactions. Use strong verbs to convey action and emotion, and engage the senses to draw readers fully into the scene. Remember, not every moment has to be high-energy. Sometimes, quiet moments of reflection or tension make the intense parts stand out even more.

Intense scenes are all about keeping readers hooked and evoking emotion. Don’t be afraid to dive into the deeper layers of your character—just make sure it feels real and earned. By focusing on pacing, sensory details, and character reactions, you can create scenes that stick with readers long after they finish the story.

CHRISTINA DELAY - Resident Writing Coach

Christina Delay is an award-winning author of psychological suspense, as well as mythological-based fantasy written under the pen name Kris Faryn. A wanderer by heart, Christina’s latest adventure has led her and her family to the southwest of France. When not planning their next quest, Christina can be found writing in her garden, hosting writing retreats, sneaking in a nap, or convincing her patooties to call her Empress. If you love books about complex characters who never know when to quit, with a good bit of will-they or won’t-they tension, check out her books.

The post How to Write Intense Scenes That Captivate Readers appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

What secret is your character keeping? Why are they safeguarding it? What’s at stake if it’s discovered? Does it need to come out at some point, or should it remain hidden?

This is some of the important information you need to know about your character’s secrets—and they will have secrets, because everyone does. They’re thorny little time bombs composed of fear, deceit, stress, and conflict that, when detonated, threaten to destroy everything the character holds dear.

So, of course, you should assemble them. And we can’t wait to help.

This thesaurus provides brainstorming fodder for a host of secrets that could plague your character. Use it to explore possible secrets, their underlying causes, how they might play into the overall story, and how to realistically write a character who is hiding them—all while establishing reader empathy and interest.

Maybe your character is…

Pregnant

ABOUT THIS SECRET: While pregnancy is often cause for celebration, a character who becomes pregnant accidentally or under adverse circumstances—as the result of an affair or a rape, without a partner’s support, or even against her own wishes—might be desperate to keep it a secret. She might struggle with fear or shame, not only about the pregnancy itself but also by what could follow if the news gets out.

SPECIFIC FEARS THAT MAY DRIVE THE NEED FOR SECRECY: Becoming a Parent, Being a Burden to Others, Being Capable of Harm, Being Judged, Being Unable to Achieve a Dream, Change, Humiliation, Losing Autonomy, Losing Financial Security, Losing the Respect of Others, One’s Genetics, Regret, Relational Commitment, Repeating a Cycle of Abuse

HOW THIS SECRET COULD HOLD THE CHARACTER BACK
Having to avoid close friends and family (because they’re the most likely to notice something has changed)
Losing access to the people who would offer advice and support; having to go through the situation alone
Not being able to pursue desired career opportunities
Being consumed by guilt and shame (for being pregnant to begin with, from constantly lying to loved ones, etc.)

BEHAVIORS OR HABITS THAT HELP HIDE THIS SECRET
Wearing baggy clothes
Running the tap in the bathroom to mask signs of morning sickness
Embracing future plans that would be difficult for a pregnant person (scuba diving, extensive travel, etc.)
Not making pregnancy-related plans (buying maternity clothing, taking prenatal vitamins, etc.)

ACTIVITIES OR TENDENCIES THAT MAY RAISE SUSPICIONS
Gaining weight
Giving up smoking or alcohol
A pregnancy test being found in the garbage
The character suddenly wanting a commitment from her partner

SITUATIONS THAT MAKE KEEPING THIS SECRET A CHALLENGE 
Having to change clothes in front of others (in a locker room, hotel room, etc.)
Canceling a big event that will take place after the baby is born (one that will be hard or impossible to attend with a baby)
Developing a pregnancy-related condition that requires bedrest or hospitalization
Sharing the secret with someone who proves to be untrustworthy (the boyfriend, a close friend, a family member, etc.)

Other Secret Thesaurus entries can be found here.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still in development, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

If you like, swing by and check out the video walkthrough for this site, then give our Free Trial a spin.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Character Secret Thesaurus Entry: Being Pregnant appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

Good news! Your Secret Santa (Godzilla) has dropped another writerly gift into your stocking.

(And, if you missed the first gift he left for you, no problem. Just click through to this link to find Gift #1.)
We hope you enjoy it!

Ready to see what he’s left in your stocking?
Click the image below to collect your gift:

Also, I have to warn you:
Godzilla’s been reading again.

You know what this means–another book review. Lord help us. Here it is . . .

Godzilla Reviews The Occupation Thesaurus

As the all-powerful Godzilla, I have a unique perspective on occupations—after all, “Kaiju” isn’t your typical 9-to-5. But I tell you, as a reader, nothing causes me to incinerate a book faster than a character with a job that seems ‘slapped on.’

Like my relentless obliteration of enemies who threaten the natural balance, any true-to-life character is gonna spend a lot of time working, so of course their chosen job should fit their identity and circumstances. A well-thought-out choice gives a character depth, so steer clear of jobs that feel cliche, act as a plot device, or come across as a character quirk.

The Occupation Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Jobs, Vocations, and Careers has helpful breakdowns of different job types, making it easy to find matches for the character’s skills, personality, moral code, or even a passion–like my passion for using atomic breath and destruction to keep puny humans and inferior titans in line.

A big problem with this book? While it covers an impressive range of possible occupations and shows how this characterizing detail can generate radioactive story conflict and mess up even the strongest relationship, WHERE was the entry on Kaiju? What, a city-stomping behemoth isn’t GOOD ENOUGH to profile as a career in this guide? Sure, there is only one Godzilla. But you ask me, laying waste to buildings, destroying battleships with a fist, and body-slamming monsters into oblivion should be the dream job of every character!

~Godzilla

Well, there you have it. Godzilla’s review of The Occupation Thesaurus. Um…thanks, I guess?

If you’re looking for a Christmas Gift…

The Occupation Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Jobs, Vocations, and Careers dives into the type of work your character does…and how this important choice will give your story depth and meaning.

A character’s job is powerful, allowing you to convey a lot of characterization about them in a single punch: traits, skills, priorities, and more. Yet, many writers don’t think much about their character’s occupation—or worse, they pick something randomly, and miss out on what that job can reveal.

Researching specific careers takes time, so we’ve done the work for you. Part how-to, part brainstorming tool, this guide showcases over 120 jobs and breaks each down so you can find the perfect match and write about it with authority. 

More about this book
View the list of job profiles
Buy the book
Read Amazon reviews (4.8/5 Stars)

We hope you find gift #2 helpful, and wishing you a lovely holiday season!

Angela, Becca, & Mindy

Happy writing, everyone!

Stocking Stuffer #1 can be found here.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Stocking Stuffers for Writers Gift #2 Is Here! appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

What secret is your character keeping? Why are they safeguarding it? What’s at stake if it’s discovered? Does it need to come out at some point, or should it remain hidden?

This is some of the important information you need to know about your character’s secrets—and they will have secrets, because everyone does. They’re thorny little time bombs composed of fear, deceit, stress, and conflict that, when detonated, threaten to destroy everything the character holds dear.

So, of course, you should assemble them. And we can’t wait to help.

This thesaurus provides brainstorming fodder for a host of secrets that could plague your character. Use it to explore possible secrets, their underlying causes, how they might play into the overall story, and how to realistically write a character who is hiding them—all while establishing reader empathy and interest.

Maybe your character is…

Is Safeguarding Someone’s Secret

ABOUT THIS SECRET
Sometimes characters are secret-keeper for others, either because they have been asked to, or the character learned something by accident and has chosen not to share it. They could have many reasons for doing so, including a desire to respect the other person’s privacy, protect them from harm, or not wanting to become personally involved in something that could bring them unwanted scrutiny, risk, or danger.

SPECIFIC FEARS THAT MAY DRIVE THE NEED FOR SECRECY: Abandonment, Being Attacked, Being Capable of Harm, Being Labeled, Being Responsible for Others, Being Taken Advantage of, Being Unsafe, Conflict, Letting Others Down, Losing Autonomy, Losing One’s Social Standing, Putting Oneself out There, Relational Commitment

HOW THIS SECRET COULD HOLD THE CHARACTER BACK
Struggling with having to lie to protect the secret
Having to take risks to help the person avoid exposure
Experiencing anxiety or fear over what to do (if the secret is dangerous or harmful)
The secret shattering a close relationship (over knowing what they did) and mourning that loss

BEHAVIORS OR HABITS THAT HELP HIDE THIS SECRET
Shutting down gossip that involves the person and/or what is being hidden
Watching for threats (nosy people making connections, etc.) that could endanger the secret
Steering the conversation away from anything that might lead to discovery
Using misinformation, false rumors, or lies to keep people from learning the truth

ACTIVITIES OR TENDENCIES THAT MAY RAISE SUSPICIONS
Being caught in a lie
Not attending an event the character was expected to but cannot due to the secret
Emotional volatility around the party at fault (e.g., being unable to rein in anger and judgment around the abusive partner of a friend who is keeping her bruises a secret)

SITUATIONS THAT MAKE KEEPING THIS SECRET A CHALLENGE 
Wanting to offer advice but knowing doing so will alert people involved
Wanting to warn someone when that person is unaware the character knows their secret
If suspicions are raised and the danger increases for the character
When keeping the secret means crossing a moral line

Other Secret Thesaurus entries can be found here.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

If you like, swing by and check out the video walkthrough for this site, then give our Free Trial a spin.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Character Secret Thesaurus Entry: Is Safeguarding Someone’s Secret appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

What secret is your character keeping? Why are they safeguarding it? What’s at stake if it’s discovered? Does it need to come out at some point, or should it remain hidden?

This is some of the important information you need to know about your character’s secrets—and they will have secrets, because everyone does. They’re thorny little time bombs composed of fear, deceit, stress, and conflict that, when detonated, threaten to destroy everything the character holds dear.

So, of course, you should assemble them. And we can’t wait to help.

This thesaurus provides brainstorming fodder for a host of secrets that could plague your character. Use it to explore possible secrets, their underlying causes, how they might play into the overall story, and how to realistically write a character who is hiding them—all while establishing reader empathy and interest.

Maybe your character is…

Hiding a Sexual Relationship

ABOUT THIS SECRET
In general, characters don’t discuss who they’re intimate with, but occasionally it becomes a guarded secret as discovery could mean difficult or painful consequences. An age gap, being from different societal classes, a forbidden pairing due to a feud, danger, or a taboo might all be reasons others would condemn and seek to end this relationship. This entry covers scenarios where the characters involved are happy with these encounters and wish them to continue.

SPECIFIC FEARS THAT MAY DRIVE THE NEED FOR SECRECY: A Secret Being Revealed, Abandonment, Being Attacked, Being Judged, Being Labelled, Being Separated from Loved Ones, Being Unsafe, Humiliation, Letting Others Down, Losing Autonomy, Losing One’s Social Standing, Losing the Respect of Others, Never Finding Happiness, Persecution

HOW THIS SECRET COULD HOLD THE CHARACTER BACK
Creating distance in important relationships to avoid accidental discovery
Carrying the weight of guilt (if the character knows this secret will hurt others)
Being unable to talk about something that brings joy
Stress over telling lies, manufacturing excuses, and courting the danger of discovery

BEHAVIORS OR HABITS THAT HELP HIDE THIS SECRET
Arranging meetups for times when other people are busy or absent
Having an activity near the partner’s location to have a legitimate reason for being there
Cultivating trust with others to allow for freedom of movement
Following a protocol (going out when the family is asleep, avoiding the same hotel, etc.)

ACTIVITIES OR TENDENCIES THAT MAY RAISE SUSPICIONS
An observer overhearing a conversation, especially one that contains suggestive innuendo
Being caught somewhere the character shouldn’t be
Being caught purchasing a gift intended for the partner
Losing track of time often, causing others to notice a pattern of absences

SITUATIONS THAT MAKE KEEPING THIS SECRET A CHALLENGE 
Increased scrutiny of the character
Being caught in a lie
Being discovered half-dressed or in bed together
Parental expectations that it’s time to “settle down with someone”

Other Secret Thesaurus entries can be found here.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

If you like, swing by and check out the video walkthrough for this site, then give our Free Trial a spin.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Character Secret Thesaurus Entry: Hiding a Sexual Relationship appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

Why is it that some books get gobbled up by readers, and others don’t? It’s easy to get stuck in a revision cycle when you aren’t sure if a scene is working, so you rewrite it, and rewrite it again, and again, going by gut feel, and not knowing if you’re making your book better, or worse. If this has happened to you, you’re not alone.

Often, writers focus on “fixing” their writing by correcting spelling and grammar, or by trying to optimize sentence structure. And while all those things are important (you don’t want your reader tripping over errors), if you focus in on this too soon, you’ll run the risk of missing the bigger picture—Is your writing interesting?

Now, before you comment below to say that interesting is in the eye of the beholder, let me be specific. I can guarantee that the idea for your book is interesting, and that there are readers in the world that will agree with you. After all, you’ve spent hundreds, possibly thousands of hours on your writing already. You’re reading this article. You’re doing the work because your idea is good enough to keep you interested.

But if those beautiful ideas in your mind are falling flat on your pages, your reader will get bored. Luckily, it’s entirely fixable.

If you have the following four issues in your writing, it will stop readers from seeing what you’re hoping to say with your writing. Fix them if you want your book to make the maximum impact that it can.

Problem #1: Using Writing Clichés

Clichés are phrases or situations that are so overused that they become an eye roll for readers. I’m not talking about these phrases (although you should avoid them too, in favor of fresher ideas!). But Writing Clichés are situations that are so overused they will be a snore for your readers, and believe it or not, can mark your writing as amateur for editors, agents, or publishers who’ve worked in the industry for a while. Some examples include:

• Starting a scene with a character waking up
  • Ending a scene with a character falling asleep, or everything fading to black
  • A character looking in a mirror to describe themselves

Now, before you freak out, because you’re like, But Suzy, I have all of these clichés in my pages. Why didn’t I know this? Let me explain.

There is absolutely nothing technically wrong with these situations, and there’s no way that you could know they’ve overused. Why? Because these tired bits of writing usually get edited out of books before they’re published, so you won’t see them in many books on the shelf of your local bookstore.

But they are very common in first drafts. Why? They are simply the easiest way for a writer to start or end a scene, or to show readers what a Point of View (POV) character looks like. Because of this, thousands of writers come to write scenes in a similar way, writing the first thing that comes to mind. If you have these problems in your book’s draft, you’re in good company. But the easiest way to write something is not often the most effective way to engage readers.

Luckily, these problems are easy to fix, and you don’t even have to rewrite your whole scene to do it.

• If your character wakes up at the beginning of a scene? Simply eliminate the sentences where they wake up, starting the scene a few moments later, when your character is already awake.
• If your character falls asleep, passes out, or is knocked unconscious at the end of your scene? End it just before.
• If your POV character looks themselves up and down in a mirror to describe what they look like? Instead, get creative with how you share a few details about their appearance when we first meet them. We don’t need it all at once. Instead, aim for 2-3 details you can share, the more specific, the more effective they will be.  Is there something they like or dislike about their appearance? Share that. Do they share a hair color or nose shape with a family member who’s also in the book? Share that. And share these details sooner rather than later. Giving a description of what your character looks like in Chapter 5 is frustrating to the reader, because it will undoubtedly be different than they’d imagined. Slip it into the opening pages.   

Problem #2: “Draining the Well Dry”

One of the toughest things for writers to learn is how to smoothly manage the passage of time in their story. Like in Problem #1 above, where writers have naturally gravitated to the path of least resistance, they end up describing everything that happens to a character during each day, zooming in on conversations, watching them eat, drink, or go about their day. The problem with this is that it’s unfocused, and can feel rambling. You as the writer may need all this information to get your timeline straight, but don’t make the mistake of including it all in your scenes, because it’ll take forever for your reader to wade through. 

Unless this minutia directly relates to the message you’re trying to convey with your book, skip it. We probably don’t need to watch your character brush their teeth, for example. If your book is contemporary, readers will assume that they did. If you’ve got scenes like these, take a step back and consider which moments readers really need to witness to get a feel for what your character is going through. Being able to make these decisions is where your writing skill comes in. Cut the rest by ending the scene or chapter earlier, with a scene break, then taking us to the next important moment in the next chapter or scene.

Problem #3: Writing Exhaustive Dialogue

In my opinion, some of the worst advice out there for writers (although it’s very commonly passed along) is this: To learn to write dialogue well, sit in a coffee shop and eavesdrop. Write down phrases as you hear them, then use them in your writing to make your dialogue more realistic.

Uh… no. Why? Because if you’re not careful, you’ll end up with pages of this drivel, and you’ll put your reader to sleep.

Consider this exchange, which might happen in an everyday coffee shop:

“Hi, I’m Rob.”

“Sorry, did you say Bob?”

“No, Rob.”

“Oh, sorry. Nice to meet you, Rob. I’m Larry.”

“Nice to meet you too, Larry. I’ve never been to this coffee shop, have you?”

“No, I haven’t.”

Are you sleeping after reading that? I almost fell asleep writing it. Dialogue in books doesn’t have to accurately reflect how we speak in real life, unless you’re ironically trying to show how pedantic it can be, as in a comedy series like The Office, where they slow down everyday office occurrences to poke fun. In most books, aim for dialogue that sparkles a little brighter than the mundane conversations people have.

Ask yourself, Which moments will help the reader see my characters in action?  What they are thinking or feeling as the conversation is happening, that will move your story forward?

There are many problems with the example dialogue above, but here are some guidelines to start with:

• Skip introductions or summarize instead of making us wade through them whenever possible. A simple, The man introduced himself as Rob, would be just fine here.
• Eliminate prompting dialogue. This is where one character asks a question (“did you say Bob?”), or prompts another character to repeat themselves. Watch for this in your dialogue, and collapse it down to eliminate the feeling of redundancy.

Problem #4: Not Enough Exciting Showing Details in Your Scenes

Implementing each of the tips above will inevitably reduce the word count in your scenes, and that doesn’t always feel great, when you’ve fought hard to get the words down and watched your book grow. But be ruthless, eliminating boring elements that will stop your reader from getting hooked on your story, because this reduced word count will give you breathing room to add in details that will really make your writing pop.

Every scene in your book should have a balance of showing, and telling. Drawing out important moments by sharing a specific showing detail or two will always draw readers in, making your story come to life for them.

Not sure what I mean by showing, or telling? You can get more information on that here.

Click here for a wealth of show-don’t-tell resources!

Making Your Writing Exciting for Readers

Eliminating the boring writing habits listed above will increase your book’s impact on your reader, making them stay up late into the night to finish your pages, fall in love with your story, and share it with their friends.

Not sure if you’ve developed some boring writing habits along the way? Get a writing assessment! Until Black Friday, I’m offering an introductory Writing Assessment, where I’ll evaluate a sample of your writing and coach you where to focus to make your writing as impactful to your reader as it can be. Get details at www.suzyvadori.com/10pagereview

SUZY VADORI - Resident Writing Coach

Suzy Vadori is the award-winning author of The Fountain Series. She is a certified Book Coach with Author Accelerator and the Founder of Wicked Good Fiction Bootcamp. Suzy breaks down important writing concepts into practical steps to make it easy for writers coming from outside the industry to get up to speed in a snap, so that they can realize their big, wild writing dreams!

In addition to her weekly newsletter encouraging writers, and online courses, Suzy offers both developmental editing and 1:1 Book Coaching. Find out more about our RWC team here and discover how to connect with Suzy and all the resources she has to offer here.

The post Four Things That Make Your Writing Boring (and how to fix them!) appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

Author Intrusion happens when the author butts into the story to address the audience directly, interrupting the character who’s supposed to be narrating. Sometimes this can be used deliberately to create a certain effect. CS Lewis, Jane Austen, Lemony Snicket…it works for them because it’s purposeful. Deliberate.

As with so many writing problems, intrusion becomes an issue when it’s accidental—when we, the author, meander outside of our character’s viewpoint and start sharing things the character wouldn’t share. For instance…

I tucked my curly black hair into its cap.

This description won’t quite ring true because every narrator is intimately acquainted with the color and texture of their own hair. When they’re talking or thinking, they’re not going to reference the particulars. If I inject those details into the story in this way, the character is no longer narrating. It’s me, the author, interrupting the true storyteller to get information across to readers.

Here’s another example:

And that’s when my neighbor, Rob, burst into the room.

Here, the narrator wouldn’t think of Rob as “my neighbor” because they already know this about him. It’s obvious this information has been included by me, the author, as I try to introduce a new cast member.

So What’s the Big Deal with Intrusion?

In every story, one of your main jobs is to help readers develop a relationship with the viewpoint character. This happens when readers see things from the character’s perspective— sharing in their struggles, identifying with their motivations, wanting them to evolve and be well. All this draws the two close together, and an empathy bond is formed that puts the reader firmly in the character’s corner.

Author intrusion has the opposite effect. Instead of encouraging that close connection, it creates distance between the reader and character. It pulls readers out of the narrative because they realize, even on a subconscious level, that someone else has hijacked the story.

This creates a problem in first-person because there are times when the author needs to pass along information the character wouldn’t typically share. How do we do that from the shadows, in a way that doesn’t pull the reader’s attention?

Slip the Details into What’s Already Happening

Anytime we stop the character’s story to share stuff, we create drag, and the pace suffers. Instead of interrupting story events to relay information, share those details through what’s already happening. Look for a scene where it would be natural for the character to reference those particulars while events are unfolding. In the case of our curly-headed character, maybe as she’s headed outside on a blustery day:

The wind snatched at my hair and whipped it into a tangled mess. I could only imagine what it looked like—a curly black storm cloud scaring away potential suitors, children, and pretty much anyone with eyes.

This rendering mentions the same details (curly black hair), but because they’re shared as part of the story—via the setting (weather), in fact—they’re not intrusive. The reader’s experience isn’t interrupted.

Use Viewpoint Filtering

Another reason this example works is because we’ve stayed true to the character’s viewpoint. Everything is being filtered through her unique perspective. The details she focuses on, her thoughts, the words she uses—her voice is consistent because the author is getting out of the way and letting the character tell the story.

Use Other Characters

Personal appearance details are notoriously tricky to write in first person because they’re not usually things the character would think about. So no matter how you write the passage, it may not sound natural if the character mentions them. An easy workaround is to get someone else to notice those things.

The wind whipped my hair into a frenzy, and Ma groaned. “Gracious, Jess, do something with this curly mop.” She slapped a cap on my head and started shoving my hair into it. “Bad enough it’s black as a dung beetle. Why won’t it lay flat?”

BONUS TIP: Find Each Character’s Voice

One reason intrusion doesn’t work is because the facts are so baldly stated. Every character’s unique personality bleeds into their voice, and when you include observations that lack personality (or sound too much like you), it’s obvious those observations aren’t coming from the character.

If you’ve taken the time to get to know your cast, you’ll know how each person talks, what turns of phrase they would use, and what comparisons they might make–such as comparing someone’s hair to a dung beetle. That will allow you to write in that character’s voice (not your own) while revealing much more than just a few physical details.

That last example, with one short paragraph and a carefully chosen simile, tells us a lot about the speaker; we can infer that Jess’s mom is pushy, outspoken, seems hard to please, and doesn’t much like her daughter’s hair. We get a glimpse into what their relationship is like, and we can imagine a certain twang to her voice that hints at a rural address or upbringing.

We’re able to draw these inferences because the author kept her nose out of the story and just let the characters speak.

What we’re basically talking about here is show-don’t-tell. As authors, we shouldn’t be telling the audience what they need to know. We should be showing it through the characters and what’s already happening in their story. Writers Helping Writers has a ton of resources on how to show effectively, so check those out for more practical tips.

This post is a response to a question from one of our readers, which I originally replied to via a quick video in one of our newsletters. If you have writing- or industry-related questions you’d like us to answer, we’d love to address them. And to receive our occasional newsletter that contains answers to these questions along with other helpful writing advice, sign up here.

BECCA PUGLISI

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post How to Avoid Author Intrusion in First Person appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

What secret is your character keeping? Why are they safeguarding it? What’s at stake if it’s discovered? Does it need to come out at some point, or should it remain hidden?

This is some of the important information you need to know about your character’s secrets—and they will have secrets, because everyone does. They’re thorny little time bombs composed of fear, deceit, stress, and conflict that, when detonated, threaten to destroy everything the character holds dear.

So, of course, you should assemble them. And we can’t wait to help.

This thesaurus provides brainstorming fodder for a host of secrets that could plague your character. Use it to explore possible secrets, their underlying causes, how they might play into the overall story, and how to realistically write a character who is hiding them—all while establishing reader empathy and interest.

Maybe your character…

Coveting Someone Else’s Life

ABOUT THIS SECRET: Few things are equal, including advantages, opportunities, burdens or struggles. So, when others have more luck, support, or success, it’s easy to envy them and what they have, even to the point of bitterness. If anyone finds out though, pity follows, so your character will try to keep what they covet a secret.

SPECIFIC FEARS THAT MAY DRIVE THE NEED FOR SECRECY: Becoming What One Hates, Being Judged, Being Pitied, Being Unable to Achieve a Dream, Failure, Having No Purpose, Humiliation, Losing the Respect of Others, Mediocrity, Never Finding Happiness

HOW THIS SECRET COULD HOLD THE CHARACTER BACK
Being unable to appreciate the good in life because they can only see what is lacking
Causing loved ones to feel “not good enough” because the character is never happy
Creating a self-fulfilling prophecy from the belief that their life can never be as good as another’s
Becoming increasingly pessimistic
Not living their own life because they’re obsessed with someone else’s

BEHAVIORS OR HABITS THAT HELP HIDE THIS SECRET
Avoiding the person who has what the character wants
Changing the topic if the conversation begins to highlight the great life someone else has
The character deflecting questions that could reveal insecurities
Working hard to control their emotions when the other person is around

ACTIVITIES OR TENDENCIES THAT MAY RAISE SUSPICIONS
Moodiness (especially when the other person is around or mentioned)
A habit of minimizing the other’s accomplishments by attributing them to luck
Overcompensating; being overly warm or complimentary to hide envy
Trying to force opportunities in hopes of changing their life to be like another’s
Passive-aggressiveness (talking behind the person’s back, sarcasm, back-handed compliments)

SITUATIONS THAT MAKE KEEPING THIS SECRET A CHALLENGE 
Falling in love with that other person’s partner or spouse
Seeing luck favor the other person and the perceived unfairness of it carrying the character to a breaking point
Discovering the person they envy is a fraud or unworthy in some way (disillusionment)
Suffering yet another disappointment that seems unfair or unjust

Other Secret Thesaurus entries can be found here.

Need More Descriptive Help?

While this thesaurus is still being developed, the rest of our descriptive collection (18 unique thesauri and growing) is accessible through the One Stop for Writers THESAURUS database.

If you like, swing by and check out the video walkthrough for this site, then give our Free Trial a spin.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Character Secret Thesaurus Entry: Coveting Someone Else’s Life appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

There’s no better feeling than being in the hands of a great storyteller. They have command of the details we need to know, the scenes we need to see, and there’s a lock-step feel to the way the story advances. Strong storytelling isn’t just a unique premise or a character we love.

Strong storytelling is rooted in trust.

Trust in the person who has crafted the story, but also trust in the viewpoint character. If we feel as though the character shares with us everything they know and allows us to be along for all critical moments of their story, we can feel as though we are that character.

Let’s discuss three very simple ways you might be breaking your reader’s trust, intentionally or not. We’ll also cover what to do so your reader feels like those strong storytelling hands they’re in are yours.

Trust Violation #1: When we allow the character to react before we’ve shown the reader what they’re reacting to.

Example: Holly stumbled backward. What she saw made her gasp. Could it be? There stood the man she thought was dead.

Notice how in the example, we have two lines of body language that point to surprise and shock, not to mention a third line where it’s clear she’s questioning whatever she’s seeing. All of these lines tell the reader how Holly (and how they) should feel before they even know what they’re seeing. On a small scale, this type of writing distances the reader from the character. The reader feels frustration for those three lines, waiting to see whatever it is that Holly’s seen. It backfires on Holly, the narrator, and even the writer because the reader starts to wonder why they aren’t being told what they need to know. In that span of time, they feel other—like they’re not Holly, which is what we don’t want at all. Instead, we want the reader to be in every moment with her, processing all her senses are processing in real time. That reinforces the feeling that the reader knows as much as she knows, and it shows the reader respect in leaving room for them to deduce how to feel when they first observe what the character does.

Bottom line: Present sensory-based action and observation first, and build in character reaction second.

Trust Violation #2: When we withhold a character’s name/identity just to perpetuate tension.

Example: Julie watched the figure make their way down the staircase. The way they moved was slow and sleek, commanding the attention of everyone below. Julie focused on the drink in her hand, determined not to let him control her the way he controlled everyone else. This was exactly why she left her ex-boyfriend in the first place.

In this example (somewhat like the first), we’re getting the character’s reaction before we’re entirely certain who or even really what they’re reacting to. To be fair, we do get movement and sensory-based action prior to Julie’s clear emotional reaction. But notice how for many lines, we have no idea who the “figure” is and Julie and the narrator do. Clearly, the space is well-lit based upon the details. Julie obviously knows who the figure is because she reacts in a specific way. And yet, we don’t get access to that same information in real time. A feeling creeps in from this type of withholding, and it’s something along the lines of being manipulated for the sake of drawing out the tension. The writer reveals themselves as the “man behind the curtain” and the writing draws attention to itself. When we use this type of writing, we aren’t keeping the figure’s identity unknown for a reason rooted in logic or plot. The figure isn’t wearing a disguise or hidden for some other reason. It’s evident Julie (and the writer) knows who he is. So why not just use their name? Why not tell us all that the character knows when she knows it? The answer is that there isn’t a reason, and readers will inherently know we’re pulling strings to tap into their curiosity.

Bottom line: Let us fully know all your viewpoint character knows the moment they know it. Avoid using tricks that withhold names or other information for the sake of making your reader curious because the reader will know they’re being manipulated.

Trust Violation #3: When we catch the reader up on what the character did since we last saw them.

Example: Brian snuck through the front door, clenching the keys to his dad’s truck. Sometime overnight, Brian had come up with a plan. If Dad was going to insist that drinking and driving was perfectly fine, Brian would take charge of things.

There are absolutely times in storytelling when we want to compress time and leap over what happens in a character’s life. Sleeping, eating, traveling…These are often spots where nothing important and plot-bearing is happening, and we can bypass them altogether. But when the character has seemingly made a choice during a gap of time—a choice that relates to the pursuit of their goal—we should have access to it as it occurs. Plan-making should be born out of active scene. In other words, we should be in the scene whereby the threads of the new decision start to emerge, and we should even see hints of what the character might do next. Or, we should simply and fully know what they plan to do by the time we leave one scene and get ready for the next one. In the example above, unless Dad came home drunk the night before and we saw Brian eyeing Dad’s keys with a sense of hope rising in him—all clues that would logically allow us to predict what Brian might do next—then we feel like he’s made a decision without us. On his own and apart from us. And that separation causes us to not only lose trust in the character, but also the writer. As basic as it sounds, a feeling emerges like the character has been off doing important things without us, and we’re a bit bummed to have been left out. This type of writing makes your reader stop and ask, “Wait, what?” because the character’s decision has been made off-the-page without enough clues to feel logical or predictable.

One way you can tell when this sort of thing happens is that there hasn’t been time for the character (or the reader) to weigh the cost of the choice the character is ultimately going to make. We don’t know what Brian is knowingly losing in taking his dad’s truck, the risks specific to his character, or what’s at stake that he’s choosing to risk in pursuit of this goal. We don’t get the benefit of being with him as he makes the decision itself. There’s a feeling like it’s happening too fast and somewhat suddenly, and that makes us doubt Brian—the character we want to feel like represents us.

Bottom line: When your character makes a crucial decision toward their goal, make sure that it’s made (even partially via context clues) during active scene so that your reader feels like the character’s ally in every moment of the story.

What types of craft choices do you experience as a reader that break your trust? Do you struggle with these types of choices as a way of drawing out or generating tension? What other ways do you find help maintain that writer-character-reader trust?

Happy writing!
Marissa

MARISSA GRAFF - Resident Writing Coach

Marissa has been a freelance editor and reader for literary agent Sarah Davies at Greenhouse Literary Agency for over seven years. In conjunction with Angelella Editorial, she offers developmental editing, author coaching, and more. Marissa feels if she’s done her job well, a client should probably never need her help again because she’s given them a crash-course MFA via deep editorial support and/or coaching. Find out more about our RWC team here and connect with Marissa below.

The post Three Ways You’re Losing Your Reader’s Trust appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

No matter what genre you write, your characters–and their relationships–are the heart of a story. In fact, relationships help us explore our characters’ most meaningful layers while providing readers with the context they need to understand why each character thinks and acts the way they do.

Think about how we all behave in the real world. This looks a bit different depending on who is around, right? It’s no different for a character. Their decisions and choices will be shaped by the type of bond they have with someone. Is the relationship close, or not? Healthy or dysfunctional? Do they play a positive role (a friend, ally, or supporter) or does it run along the lines of something darker, like a rival, enemy, or detractor?

A character’s best and worst qualities may be on display at different times in a relationship, but even better, the type of connection your character has to someone will allow you to seed juicy, show-not-tell clues in your story about their motivations, insecurities, fears, needs, and vulnerabilities.

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, so Becca and I have built a thesaurus of different common types so you can write them with authority. You can find it at One Stop for Writers, as part of our enormous show-don’t-tell THESAURUS.

The Relationship Thesaurus will help you brainstorm character interactions that feel true to life so you can write them into the story. You’ll also find plenty of ideas on how each relationship can develop your characters and further the plot.

If you’d like a peek at this thesaurus, visit these entries at One Stop for Writers: RIVALS, IN-LAWS, and PROTAGONIST AND CRUSH.

If this is the first time you’ve heard about our THESAURUS Database at One Stop for Writers, think of it like our books on steroids. We’ve released 10 thesaurus books to date, but at One Stop for Writers, the database has 18 thesaurus topics…so far.

Speaking of One Stop for Writers, Don’t Forget…

It’s our birthday!

One Stop for Writers is turning 9 this week, and we’re celebrating with a nice 25% discount on any plan.

If you like, grab this code:

HAPPY9

And follow the instructions below to redeem this discount!

To use this code:

1. Sign up or sign in.
2. Choose any paid subscription (1-month, 6-month, or 12-months) and add this code: HAPPY9 to the coupon box.
3. Once activated via the button, a one-time 25% discount will apply onscreen.
4. Add your payment method, check the Terms box, and then hit the subscribe button.

New to One Stop for Writers? Join Becca for a quick tour to see how our resources and tools can help you reach your creative goals.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post A Description Database for Character Relationships appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.

One Stop for Writers‘ BIRTHDAY WEEK is here!

Nine years ago, Becca and I stepped outside our world of book-making and opened the doors of One Stop for Writers, a site filled with one of a kind tools and resources to make writing easier. Year by year, the toolbox at One Stop for Writers has grown and we’ve had the pleasure of helping writers all over the world. We love being part of other writers’ journeys!

25% off all plans

To celebrate NINE YEARS, we’ve cooked up a discount. Whether you’re new to One Stop for Writers or you’ve been using it since the very beginning, grab this code to access our arsenal of tools for less:

HAPPY9

To use this code:

1. Sign up or sign in.
2. Choose any paid subscription (1-month, 6-month, or 12-months) and add this code: HAPPY9 to the coupon box.
3. Once activated via the button, a one-time 25% discount will apply onscreen.
4. Add your payment method, check the Terms box, and then hit the subscribe button.

And that’s it!

Get ready to put the largest show-don’t-tell database available to writers & the rest of our incredible storytelling tools to work!

New to One Stop?

If you’re not familiar with One Stop for Writers, join Becca for a virtual tour. She’ll show you how using the right tools will help you write stronger fiction faster.

ANGELA ACKERMAN

Angela is a writing coach, international speaker, and bestselling author who loves to travel, teach, empower writers, and pay-it-forward. She also is a founder of One Stop For Writers, a portal to powerful, innovative tools to help writers elevate their storytelling.

The post Happy 9th Birthday, One Stop for Writers (Save 25%) appeared first on WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®.