Sounds like you have a really strong bead on your characters personality and motivation…great stuff!

I am so sorry this wound is part of your past but so glad you have found a path to healing. I hope you sharing your story does help others learn to move past what happened to themselves. Abuse is a difficult and painful event that can make people feel very isolated. Thanks so much for writing in 🙂

Oh don’t worry, I didn’t feel it was criticism at all! Very glad you asked for clarification–if you were wondering, others would be too I am sure 🙂

Hi Angela,

Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my question. Your reply was so thoughtful and thorough! And completely logical. I see now why you included it, and I can feel ideas spawning in my brain as I type thanks to your explanation. Thank you so much!

I hope I was clear that I was not criticizing, and if I came off that way I apologize so much. I was honestly flummoxed, but now I feel very much educated and enlightened. Thanks again!

Hi Jean, thanks for the thoughtful question and I am glad you asked it so I am better able to elaborate.

My choice to include cruel is to acknowledge that not everyone heals (or works toward it) in a healthy way. For some, abuse suffered becomes the root idea that causing pain is a form of release and gratification. There are many people out there who inflict harm because this is what they were shown at the hands of others.

The past events that hurt people can do great damage and lead to a cycle of suffering that is passed forward. When you think of cruelty, Think about serial killers or those who victimize or torture others. Trauma is almost always in their past, and often it is sexual in nature.

Negative traits and behaviors are coping mechanisms and when a victim is in their formative years, They may not have had love and support, or been taught right from wrong.

A perfect example of unhealthy coping are people who bully. In almost every case, a bully is a victim themselves in some form, and they feel their only way to vent or gain power/control is to take it out on someone else.

Abuse as a child is one of the deepest hurts. Children are raised to believe that parents, adults, the system we live by, etc. all value kids and look out for them. When a child is abused, it is a betrayal on many levels, and the veneer, the implied safety children believe in, is ripped away. The effects of abuse can go in many directions and be healthy or not, because a child’s coping skills and moral beliefs are still in development. Make sense?

*trigger warning: discussion of sex abuse/rape follow*

It also works quite well with what an adult survivor of rape/sexual assault would experience. As a survivor myself, I can attest to that. The only aspect I am puzzled about is the inclusion of “cruel” in the “negative traits that may occur” category. Cruel to self I can see; do you perhaps indicate that the character would be cruel to others to push them away and avoid intimacy? I know I am not cruel, and other survivors I know of both adult and child sex abuse are not cruel; in fact, they are all exceptionally empathetic and kind, which I would like to point out are positive traits that many predators look for in potential victims to groom. I don’t dispute it’s right to be included in that category, as I can see intellectually where it may come from; I just have never experienced this personally and was wondering what lead you to include it here?

At any rate, thank you again for a timely post and for handling such a delicate topic so well.

Her reaction as she grew was to become controlling and rather cold to those she doesn’t know. She’s the oldest of five girls, and decided what happened to her was not going to happen to them on her watch. She’s insanely overprotective of her little sisters. Her position in the society she lives in (it’s SF romance) means she can’t be invisible, so she’s gone the opposite direction and is known as a flamboyant dresser with an attitude that you better stay away from. Nondescript and blending in is what her abuser wanted of her and how he made her dress.

It’s a joy to write the hero chipping at her walls of isolation and teaching her what love really means.

This one I know will be especially hard for many, which is why I appreciate your comment all that much more. As someone living with this particular wound, I can only imagine how it would feel to be critiquing someone’s work and not realize what was about to unfold. Such very good advice, Mary. As writers we never know what might be a trigger for someone else, and definitely when dealing with unfortunately common raw issues, we should definitely let readers know what they are getting into before exposing them to it.

Thanks for those adds as well!

Here is my caveat to writers: please encourage your writer group to warn members when chapters to be shared include childhood sexual abuse. It is inconsiderate to force any victims of this crime to vicariously relive it in another’s WIP, thoughtlessly shared.

Again, thank you for presenting this topic in a sensitive way.