It’s sad how familiar this story sounds. I know so many people who have experienced this after making the decision to not have children. I also remember many well-meaning but hurtful comments while I was privately struggling with fertility to the tune of Don’t wait too long to have kids or you might regret it down the road. It’s unbelievable the extent to which people believe they have the right to intrude in very private areas. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this, Kari.

That is terrible that peopled pushed their beliefs on you and didn’t show you the respect you and your hubby deserve to make the choices right for you. People are funny sometimes, and some really struggle with any sort of deviation from what they believe is a core life path, but the reality is that there’s is no one right way to feel or be happy. Everyone should be respected and not have to deal with judgement regarding their life journey.

My husband and I decided not to have children when we first met since neither of us ever wanted any. I’m not sure if I’d call this an emotional wound since it started in my early 20s, but the pressure to HAVE children was relentless until we got into our mid-40s. Not so much from my family because I was very clear about how we felt.

His brother and other family members could not accept our decision no matter how many times we explained it. I got a lot of “encouraging” comments that sometimes permanent birth control failed after all! His brother eventually decided we were infertile and started telling us how sorry he was that we couldn’t have kids. I suppose we are, but on purpose.

The worst may have been from total strangers, and most of that was directed at me. Years and years of hearing how I’d regret it, how I’d change my mind, how I was being selfish, how I must hate children, on and on and on. I was (mostly) polite about it, but I often wanted to ask how they could be so rude and intrusive. For all these people knew, maybe we did desperately want to have kids and couldn’t for some reason. And by the way, I’m an awesome Auntie. I happen to love kids! I simply never wanted one full time.

On the positive side, I believe this is part of what drives me to explore both sides in fiction. I’ve had characters who did not want to have children faced with decisions they never wanted to make, as well as characters who go through that endless cycle of fertility treatments. Heartbreak all around, and I learn so much from different perspectives.

Peace.

Thank you for sharing your story, Linda. For us, infertility was also a lesson in trust, and it was the inactive years, when there was nothing we could do, that were the hardest. I’m so glad that God brought you a third member for your family, and for the lessons you were able to learn during the (very difficult) process.

It IS heartbreaking; I’m sorry you had to go through it. I chose this one because of the personal experience I could bring to the table; it took us 7 years, numerous medical procedures, and most of our savings to be able to conceive children. All 100% worth it, but the process was brutal. I dreaded Mother’s Day for years…