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WRITERS HELPING WRITERS®

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Fear Thesaurus Entry: Not Fitting In

Published: August 13, 2022 by BECCA PUGLISI

Debilitating fears are a problem for everyone, an unfortunate part of the human experience. Whether they’re a result of learned behavior as a child, are related to a mental health condition, or stem from a past wounding event, these fears influence a character’s behaviors, habits, beliefs, and personality traits. The compulsion to avoid what they fear will drive characters away from certain people, events, and situations and hold them back in life. 

In your story, this primary fear (or group of fears) will constantly challenge the goal the character is pursuing, tempting them to retreat, settle, and give up on what they want most. Because this fear must be addressed for them to achieve success, balance, and fulfillment, it plays a pivotal part in both character arc and the overall story.

This thesaurus explores the various fears that might be plaguing your character. Use it to understand and utilize fears to fully develop your characters and steer them through their story arc. Please note that this isn’t a self-diagnosis tool. Fears are common in the real world, and while we may at times share similar tendencies as characters, the entry below is for fiction writing purposes only.

Not Fitting In

Notes
As social creatures, we all have a basic human need to be loved and accepted by others. This requires us to be able to fit in with the people around us. When your character is unable to do this or they worry about failing in this area, their need to be accepted—in general or by a specific group—can become an obsession.

What It Looks Like
The character allowing people to mistreat them if it means being part of the group
Using self-deprecating humor
Sharing personal accomplishments to impress others…

Common Internal Struggles
The character wanting to be true to themselves but also wanting to be liked by others
The character losing sight of who they really are and what they believe
Worrying excessively about what others think…

Flaws That May Emerge
Apathetic, Callous, Catty, Dishonest, Disloyal, Evasive, Frivolous, Hypocritical, Insecure, Needy, Obsessive, Oversensitive, Perfectionist, Subservient, Timid, Unethical, Weak-Willed, Worrywart

Hindrances and Disruptions to the Character’s Life
Losing any sense of personal identity
Being a slave to the whims and demands of the group
The character struggling to think for themselves…

Scenarios That Might Awaken This Fear
Having to start over in a new place (a new school, job, city, etc.)
Attending a party or gathering where friend groups are already established and the character doesn’t know anyone
The character being criticized by someone influential within their group…

Other Fear Thesaurus entries can be found here.

Fear is a Crucial Piece of Your Character’s Arc

Fear will hold your character back in the story and affect how they see themselves and the world. It’s defining, determining who they are at the start of your story and what they’ll have to overcome to succeed in the end. Don’t overlook or underestimate this vital piece of the character’s arc.

The content you’ve just read is a sample of one entry found in our Fear Thesaurus at One Stop for Writers. To access the complete entry and the other collections in this powerful show-don’t-tell Thesaurus Database, start a free trial.

BECCA PUGLISI
BECCA PUGLISI

Becca Puglisi is an international speaker, writing coach, and bestselling author of The Emotion Thesaurus and its sequels. Her books are available in five languages, are sourced by US universities, and are used by novelists, screenwriters, editors, and psychologists around the world. She is passionate about learning and sharing her knowledge with others through her Writers Helping Writers blog and via One Stop For Writers—a powerhouse online library created to help writers elevate their storytelling.

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Comments

  1. Jennifer Lane says

    August 13, 2022 at 9:25 am

    Good post that reminds me of Brene Brown’s distinction between fitting in and belonging. She says that fitting in is changing ourselves to fit the group, when what we really seek is a sense of belonging: being accepted for who we are.

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